People always tell me, “I don’t know how you do it” or “I could never do what you do” in relation to my two special needs kids, how crazy our life is, and our month-long hospital visit with my daughter.
I have been thinking about those statements a lot lately. So much so, that when I was talking to my counselor recently about this I said, “it’s not like I have a choice, I do it because I have to, because this is my life.”
But the she said something that surprised me… “You always have a choice. You choose to do this. Don’t you?”
And then I had to think about it… Did I really have a choice? Did I specifically choose to get up each day, no matter how exhausting it all is, and just do it?
I thought of all the heart-breaking stories I’ve heard through the news. Stories about mothers leaving their babies to die in their cribs. Mothers who tried to drown their own children. Mothers who one day up and left their family and never came back. Mothers who chose not to do it anymore.
So then I wondered, why?
Why do I chose to continue to do it no matter what? Why when each day can be frustrating? Why on the days I barely get enough sleep to make it through the day? Why when watching my daughter have to feed through a tube? Why on the days where I can’t bear to see my daughter choke and retch over and over again and not have any answers? Why?
And the answer came to me slow and soft:
The reason I do the things I do the reason I continue to fight, is the love I have for my family and the love they have for me. That love binds us together and gives me determination that no matter what, we will get through this.
Moms: I see you out there struggling with the day-to-day things. The tantrums, the attitudes, the sibling fights, the messy house, the dishes in the sink, the appointments, and the mundane. It’s all so overwhelming. But you continue to fight.
Special Needs Moms: I see you out there struggling with the doctors appointments, hospital visits, therapy visits, the meltdowns, the tube feedings, the sensory overloads. It’s all so overwhelming. But you continue to fight.
Moms: I see you. You have determination. You have fight in you. You have love. You have things that no one else but YOU have and YOU are the perfect mom for your kids.
Don’t give up. Whatever your day brings, whatever your life is, don’t give up. Continue fighting. Continue choosing love.